Avoiding Crisis

…but easy wouldn’t be much fun, would it?

for anyone still checking on me from time to time, no i haven’t fallen off the face of the earth, i’m still around. just a little busy.  after 5 years living overseas as a stay-at-home-mother with full-time help around the house, a gardener that came every week and a maintenance team that would respond within a few days of any house issue, this living in the United States with NO help has been quite an adjustment.  Not to mention the the snags and snafoos that have come up since we’ve gotten back.  The latest of which you can see if you check out the flickr photos on the right of this page.  ( oh how black mold covered books and water damaged furniture was SO NOT planned for!)  But all is part of this crazy life we have. 

As far as the family goes.  Abbey is a happy little camper - literally.  She’s attending a great summer camp and loves it!  She’s excited to be starting Kindergarten next month too.  The only disappointing thing is that she refuses to speak spanish these days but we are hoping that it will pass and she will re-embrace the language again.  We can’t force her.  We can only keep asking and trying.  Owen is keeping me busy as I accompany him to many different therapies and focus on getting him into a preschool and making sure he has the right services.  The good news on that front is that while we were originally led to believe that the school district we are in was going to deny him eligibility for services (which meant that I would have to continue spending the oodles of money that I currently bleed out on a monthly basis in order to get him what he needs) they did a complete 180 during our first official IEP meeting last week and he is elegible.  I think I’m still in shock.  Next week we hash out what that means exactly and get the ball rolling for the fall.  I have submitted a bunch of job applications and have had one interview so far.  After the kids get settled in school i will focus my attention on jobs…for now, i just keep applying and seeing who bites.  After being off for 2 months, A has gotten back to work and is readjusting.  Lucky him, he gets to speak spanish on a daily basis.  I’m jealous. 

Work on the house is never ending as we find ourselves painting, hanging pictures, repairing screened doors, weeding the garden and cleaning up the flower beds.  Still, we are settling in and it’s beginning to feel like home.

My biggest issue is that I’ve been AWFUL at keeping in touch with old friends (for any of you reading this…i am SO sorry).  Some days I have such great things to share but most of the time it’s just complaints and depressing comments.  I have my good days and bad ones.  The bad ones were more frequent than the good but that seems to be turning around.  I’m just trying to figure it all out.  one day at a time.  one step at a time. 

i’m hoping to continue writing — either here or on another site — in the near future.  when things settle down a bit and the work seems less daunting.  until then, i’ll update when i can and hope that you check back from time to time.

until next time.

i’m thinking about closing down this blog.  doesn’t seem like i can find the time to write these days.  i haven’t made a definite decision yet but i’m leaning towards pulling the plug.  I’ll let you know what i decide.

to admit that sometimes when you’re child is crying for no apparent reason, throwing a fit of outrageous proportions for no obvious reason, that you aren’t sure you can take it anymore. 

to wonder what you did to deserve the most difficult days.

to wonder if you can handle even the moderately difficult days.

to daydream about what life would have been like had you not become a mother, to dream of all the things that you could have done or would be doing.

to think that maybe there are other people out there more able, more capable and better suited for this job. 

to talk about those difficult moments, those not so nice thoughts, with other people and not to be embarassed or ashamed of them.

to realize that you are a person, a human being, with needs apart from those of your children.

to satisfy those needs.

to follow your dreams.

to realize that you are only one person, only human, only capable of so much.

to ask for extra hugs and kisses.

to take time for yourself.

to ask for help when you need it.

to realize that you are loved for who you are, not for being perfect or a superwoman, but for just being you, imperfections and all.

happy mother’s day.

is OVER!!!  at least, I hope it is.  i guess it’s not really over until we close on the house and that won’t be until mid-june.  but we have a contract!  so that’s good.  right?  i’ll fill you in more in the days to come. 

It’s only been 12 days since we arrived in the US.  It seems like we’ve been here a whole lot longer.  We’ve had a very very busy past 2 weeks…hence the silence on this here blog.   As Courtney pointed out not to long ago “blogging and moving do not go hand-in-hand.”  Oh no they don’t.  I might have to expand on that and say that moving and just about everything — calling old friends, returning emails, tweezing my eyebrows, catching up on senseless celebrity gossip a la perezhilton – don’t go hand-in-hand. 

We sent our first week back in the United States in Virginia at my mother-in-law’s house. We typically make a stop there on any vacation that we take to the US, so aside from a little thing like buying a car, it felt like we were on one of our vacations.

last weekend we packed up the car, the shiny new car, and drove 3.5 hours south to NC.  It still didn’t feel quite real.  Then we arrived at my brother’s house in Durham, dragged all of our crap into the house and started to unpack, and settled in a bit.  Then, all of a sudden, out of know where, it hit me, like a ton of bricks.  That same feeling I’ve had twice before when I arrived at my new house in a new country.  That same overwhelming, oh my gosh, what have i gotten myself into feeling that makes me want to crawl under a bed and hide from the world.  That same feeling that always precipitates panic attacks.  I was in my brother’s house, in the country that I grew up in, in a country where they spoke English, my native language, and yet still I was having this feeling.     

we are currently in durham, nc staying with my brother and pregnant sister-in-law.  it’s going as well as can be expected, staying with them that is.  nothing like adding four more people to a house only used to two. The kids are having a great time hanging out with their uncle and aunt, which is a great distraction from this whole transition.  Abbey is having a particularly difficult time with the move and continues to ask about going back “home.”  As a result she’s not sleeping all to well, which means that we aren’t sleeping at all.   But everyday it seems to be getting better.

Aside from trying to get used to being back in the US we have been spending all of our time meeting with schools, potential therapists for Owen, doctors and looking for a house.  Everything has gone surprisingly well thus far and we feel that we have finally made progress in getting Owen the services that he needs.  While we still have a while before we get everything set up and started, at least we’ve began the process.  On the house front we have put a bid on a home and hopefully will hear something by Tuesday afternoon.  Keep your fingers crossed for us!

This week brings more meetings and more time to get settled in.  Hopefully I’ll have some time to keep you all updated on what’s going on around here. 

until next time.