Avoiding Crisis

Archive for November 2007

hiatus

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It may be a few more days until I get back into regular blogging.  I just haven’t had much time for myself these past few days.  I will be back though, I promise.  Right now I’m dealing with a coughing, vomiting, high fever-running, snotty daughter and a son who, while not fully potty trained, has decided that he doesn’t want to wear a pull-up diaper anymore and that Superman underwear is so much more interesting.  Let me tell you, cleaning up vomit and poop is SO much fun.  Until next time, whenever that may be.

Written by nicolemarie

November 29, 2007 at 10:11 pm

Posted in crazy randomness

oops

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i totally forgot that i had a blog (no, not really) and that I need to write (well, yes, really). 

it’s been really busy around here since thanksgiving and it doesn’t look like things are going to lighten up anytime soon.  I guess that’s always the case at the end of the year with the holidays and all, but it’s made even more crazier since the end of the year is also the end of the school year for both Abbey and Owen and that means parent-teacher meetings, concerts, parties, dance recitals, etc.

I’ve taken quite a few photos over the past few days that I will be posting soon and even a video or two from Abbey’s 1st dance recital (yes, there is a second one but not until Dec 8th.)  I also have a meme that I’ve been tagged for that I’m waiting to find the time to answer.

I’ll write when I have time, but things around here may be a bit sparse this week.  don’t hold it against me, okay?

Written by nicolemarie

November 26, 2007 at 7:35 pm

Posted in life

Gracias

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Here’s wishing you all had a very happy thanksgiving.

This one will be brief since the tryptophan is kicking in and I’m on the edge of entering into a turkey-induced coma.

I want to take this moment to wish you all a very very happy thanksgiving and thank you all for sharing in this jounrey with me over the past 10 months.  It’s been a lot of fun.

Early this morning I asked my daughter to tell me what it was that she was most thankful for this year.  To my surprise, without any coaching from her father or myself, she didn’t tell me that she was thankful for her princess bicycle that grandma and papa gave her last Christmas or for the dozen plus Barbie dolls that currently fill her doll house. No, instead, in all seriousness, and very matter-of-factly, she said that she was thankful for her family and friends.

Me too.  me too.

Written by nicolemarie

November 22, 2007 at 9:49 pm

and then there were 9

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First there were 13.

Then we decided against this and this.

So we had 11. 

Then this one got booted by the people who can do such things.

And then there were 10.

And 10 were submitted.

Then we added one.

And there were 11, again.  

Today we found out that these two have been filled.

So now there are 9. 

Got that?

Good.

Any questions?

Written by nicolemarie

November 21, 2007 at 5:41 pm

the pity party is officially over

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or at least that’s what I’m telling myself. 

Have you ever have one of those moments when someone asks you a simple question like “what’s up?” and find yourself mute and unable to answer this very simple question?  That you can’t seem to immediately come up with the words “nothing much.  what’s up with you”?  You eventually answer the question, after a few seconds of hesitation and a slight look of confusion on your face, but only because answering it is like breathing, it’s involuntary.

Sometimes I find that when I’m asked a simple question like “how are you?” or “what have you been up to?”, which are practically non-questions really, I think too much about the answer.  I know that the person asking the question only wants a simple response such as “I’m fine”  or “Things are great” and that they aren’t looking for some in-depth analysis of my current life. I get this, I do. I’ve mastered basic social skills (At least I like to think I have.)  And I answer the question accordingly, with the expected and anticipated response.   

But sometimes with a simple question like “how are you”  I get stuck and then I obsess.  So while I answer, “I’m good,”  the wheels in my head are turning and working on overdrive trying to figure out how i am really.  It’s at this point that I become distant and while I try to remain engaged in the conversation and the niceties that follow, my mind is elsewhere.  And so I end up being stuck inside my own head mulling around and making things worse for myself.  Which I think is why people often find me spacey or easily distracted.

I’m done walking around with my head stuck in a cloud. I’m done feeling lost and alone and confused. I”m done with this little pity party that I’ve been throwing for myself.  I really have to stop thinking too much into everything. 

Written by nicolemarie

November 21, 2007 at 10:59 am

Posted in moods, poem

Tagged with , ,

not sure what this means

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but THIS is my most popular blog post.  I wrote this 6 months ago and it still gets multiple hits on a daily basis.  And I always thought the one about by boobs would get the most traffic.  who knew so many people had issues with women bosses, and I thought I was the only one.  not really.  but i do like to think I’m special, it boosts my ego just enough to get through the day.

Written by nicolemarie

November 20, 2007 at 11:50 am

Posted in life

this shit sucks

with 3 comments

and yes, i’m talking about my blog as of recent. 

I know it sucks, you don’t need to remind me.  But if you must, leave a comment saying just how much it sucks.  I’m sure the doctor will.  He told me the other day how bad things have gotten.  How crappy my writing has been.  How uninteresting I am.  Though I’m thinking that he’s just annoyed that I haven’t written anything about him lately.

And the truth is, as much as it pains me to say it, he’s right.  I haven’t been writing a whole lot lately, and what I have been writing hasn’t been all that good.  Not that have I been trying real hard either. 

When I started this blog things came easy to me, ideas for posts just oozed from my brain onto the page.  And I have a theory as to why it’s gotten a tad more difficult to write these days.  It’s not that I’m out of things to say, cause I’m not.  I think of a gazillion different topics everyday.  And even sometimes, when I’m running, or showering, or just sitting at the train tracks waiting for the train to go by, I write entire stories (in my head).  But by the time I get back home or sit down at the computer I can’t seem to turn those kernels into anything more than a few words.  And then I hit the save button and they go directly to the draft folder never to be seen again.  

Okay, so as I’ve said, I have an idea as to why this is. 

See, when I started this blog, I was in a really good place in my life.  I was happy, content and stable.  Things were all honky dory.  I was in a place where I could easily take a look back on the past and comment on it.  I could even take a look at the future and comment on that too.  I had interesting things to say because I was open and receptive to new ideas.  And I wasn’t afraid to take chances or to say what was on my mind.  These days, as I’ve made it very clear over the past month or so, I’m not really in such a good place right now.   I’m not in a bad place either.  But I’m not happy and content.  Things aren’t really peachy.  I would say that I’m in a funk.  That I feel down and maybe even depressed.  And, that on a daily basis, my anxiety level is higher then it has been since college. 

So what the fuck is going on??  

Nothing is going on, really.  Nothing. Well, there is that whole not knowing where we are going in 8 months thing.  And that, my friends is what it all boils down to. I think.

I’m in this in-between place right now.  I’m kinda in my own personal purgatory.  I’m neither here nor there, neither leaving not coming.  I’m stuck in the middle and I can’t get out. 

All I can say that this whole not knowing thing, this whole in-between thing, is probably one of the most awful experiences I’ve had since moving overseas.  More awful then my first day in Lima, Peru when the embassy sent someone to deliver bottled water and I opened my door to some man speaking a Spanish that i didn’t understand and my dogs running out of the gate into traffic and my 4 month old daughter screaming at the top of her lungs in the house, and all the Spanish i could remember was ayudame ayudame and the poor man just stood there completely helpless not knowing what to do with the crazy woman who stood in front of him.  Yes, this not knowing is so much worse than that.

So I’ve realized that I write so much better and the ideas flow so much easier when I’m happy and content and stable.  And that when I’m depressed, I’m blocked, stopped up, clogged.  Bear with me a little bit longer.  I promise I’ll get over this phase.  Either that or I’ll just let the doctor write my blog posts, i figure if he thinks they suck so much then he must be able to do a better job.

Written by nicolemarie

November 16, 2007 at 10:11 pm