Avoiding Crisis

when i grow up…

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Every so often I find myself getting quite close to freaking out about life. About what I’m doing? Where I’m going? and everything in between. There isn’t a pattern to these moments of crisis, at least I don’t think there is, but they seem to come and go. It was, after all, one of these “moments” that led me to starting this blog in an effort to figure it all out.

And just when I think that I’m okay with where I am and what I’m doing, that I’ve accepted my life as it is with all its unexpected twists and turns, I just this feeling, a nagging uneasiness, that starts in the pit of my stomach and moves quickly through my whole body. This feeling usually leads me to be either 1) paralyzed by anxiety or 2) motivated by it.

I’m not going to go into the whole issue of what I thought I’d be doing at this point in my life and what I am doing and how the difference between the two is probably the number one source of all my internal madness. You can read abut that here, here and here.

I never went to college thinking about what I was going to do after. I would chuckle when people would ask me my major and then quickly follow up with the inevitable “what are you going to do with that?” question. I didn’t care. I enjoyed what I was studying, I was good at what I was doing and that’s all that mattered. I was lucky too. I had parents who valued education and understood that it wasn’t only about what I was learning but how i was being taught to learn, to process information, to analyze.

I had become accustom to a certain lifestyle in NYC – one that involved mommy and daddy working …and never having to worry too much about being broke. My apartment was paid for by my parents – it was a dorm.

The first job I ever had was working for McGraw Hill publishing in their textbook devision working with photo editors. It was interesting. I spent much of my summer cataloging photos and learning about the workings of a very small section of a very large publishing house. I lived at home and commuted back and forth – sometimes by public transportation other times i’d catch a ride home with one of my parents. What I learned from that summer is that I really didn’t like commuting. That I didn’t like being stuck in traffic and wasting what seemed like endless hours doing nothing. I spent two more summers interning, both of which were spent at The Century Foundation (which, when I started was call Twentieth Century Foundation) It was there that I was introduced the the wonderful world of public affairs and event planning.


Written by nicolemarie

December 31, 2007 at 8:14 pm

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