Avoiding Crisis

16

with 4 comments

no, it’s not my lucky number.  no, believe it or not, that would be 13 or any multiple of 13 of which 16 is obviously not one of them. weird, i know.

it’s the number of days we have left here in Argentina.  The number of days I have left to prepare myself and my family to close this one chapter of our lives and move on to the next.  the number of days I have left with my friends; friends who have become my family in the absence of an extended family.

It wasn’t until last Thursday when I went to visit a dear friend of mine who just had a baby that I realized that this was it, that we were in the home stretch.  That now when I happen to run into an acquaintance, or even a friend who I don’t see on a daily basis, that when we say goodbye, it may very well be for the last time.  That when I left my friends apartment and took one last look at her one week old baby girl I knew that the next time I would see that baby it would be through pictures.  We said goodbye that day like we do normally.  It’s easier that way, I think.  Better not to make a big deal out of it.  It’s not like it’s the end of a friendship.  It’s just distance.  But damn, it’s hard.

Tonight we are off to the first of several goodbye dinners.  It doesn’t feel quite real yet.  I think I’m a bit in denial still.  I’ve seemed to focus so much of my energy and attention on trying to get everything set up for Owen on the other end that I have forgotten about leaving and what that really means to me, to all of us.  I better start to face this head on soon or I think I may crash when I touch down in the United States and realize that I didn’t have ample time to “grieve.”  ‘Cause really, when it comes down to it, this whole process, this leaving a place that you have called home for over 2 years, this leaving behind wonderful friends, it does require a grieving period.

Not sure what all I’m trying to say.  It’s really hard to put into words.  All I know if that this overwhelming sense of sadness creeps up on me from time to time and I keep beating it back, making it go away.  But it’s okay to be sad.  I know that.  I just haven;t figured out how to be sad and overwhelmed and how to learn to be the best advocate for  Owen all at the same time without completely loosing it.  Something has to give.  And when children are involved that something typically is me.  It’s funny really, how I can see the train wreck coming but I can’t do anything about it.  Absolutely nothing.

for now…I’ll head out to dinner with friends and enjoy the time we have left.  Sometimes denial is just a whole lot easier.

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Written by nicolemarie

March 29, 2008 at 6:07 pm

Posted in life

4 Responses

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  1. I completely understand what you are saying, but cannot imagine how hard it must be for you. I hope yall had a nice time at dinner!

    Julie

    March 30, 2008 at 9:40 am

  2. I will really miss you and you know that!!!! But distance will not be a problem for us that we are growups maybe for our daughters.
    Just think these days what you learnt from every person you met this might make it a bit easier.
    Your forever lasting Argentine friend
    Jennifer

    Jennifer

    April 3, 2008 at 12:28 am

  3. just wanted to say hi. i’m already planning in my head fun things for us to do while you’re in the states. i love hanging out with you that much =)

    Michele

    April 3, 2008 at 11:05 am

  4. It is definitely hard… even heart breaking to leave your friends and a wonderful lifetstyle…. without having to go through what you are experiencing. I’m talking about Lima and cannot imagine leaving BA that looked so much nicer. Every posting is a chapter where you have to turn the page to find out what the story holds for you.
    Ours just revealed new found friends…hang in there, it all comes together.

    Melanie

    melanie

    April 6, 2008 at 12:35 am


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