Avoiding Crisis

dreams or nightmares?

with 4 comments

I’m not one of those people who typically remembers their dreams.  I never have been.

I know that I dream.  Don’t we all?  But more often then not I wake up without the foggiest idea as to the images and thoughts that raced through my sleepy head.  Recently, however, this hasn’t been the case.  In fact, I find myself having such intense dreams that I wake up partially paralyzed, groggy and really tired.  And to top it all off, I find that I remember parts of these dreams. 

I don’t know why all of a sudden my unawake self has made it her sole mission to ensure that my awake self is made fully aware of what she’s been up to, but it’s really beginning to make me cranky and tired.   

Let me give you an idea of what I”m talking about.

This morning, when my husband woke me up, or at least tried to wake me up, I was dreaming that he or my son, or maybe both, had some sort of evil superpower.  With this power, they could turn themselves into a red thing that was covered with small metal spikes and that if they concentrated really hard they could release all of the spikes into the air.  When the storm of metal spikes came showering down I hid myself under our blue leather ottoman and then tried to move out of harms way while using the ottoman as a shield.  I have no clue where my daughter was in all of this.  I think my mother was present though.

Last week I had a dream that my husband left me for another woman and took the kids and that I just stood by not saying anything and apparently I didn’t really care.  I remember feeling very sad about this when I woke up, but not sad because my husband took the kids because I know he’d never do this, but sad because of how I reacted. 

The week before last I dreamt that I went to see a psychiatrist to help me with depression and anxiety and that after a few hours of talking the doctor announced that there was absolutely nothing anyone could do for me, that I was incurable and that things would only get worse until I went completely crazy.  Then someone handed me a cup filled with different medications and told me to try some of them and see which one works best and then to take a whole lot of them and hope that I feel better.  If that didn’t work then I should just check myself into the closest mental institution.

And then there was the one dream a few weeks ago that started all this dream remembering – as in it was the first dream that I remember remembering in a very long time.  In this particular dream I was at a party.  The party was in the United States.  I believe we were back living in the States at this point.  The party was attended by only women.  It appeared that I didn’t know anyone at the party.  And if I did, I only knew one or two people and only as acquaintances.  Everyone seemed to be married and have young children.  The party was in a newish home located in a typical upper middle class suburban neighborhood in Northern Virginia.  There was wine and cheese and really superficial conversation.  I remember feeling like I didn’t fit in.  And that I didn’t want to fit in if it meant being like them.  And yet at the same time I wanted so badley to be accepted and be part of their group.  They thought I was trying to show off when I talked about my life  overseas or sbout how my children spoke two languages or how we have friends all over the world.  They didn’t seem interested in anything I had to say.  I felt so very much out of my element.

There have been other dreams but these are the ones I remember most clearly.  None of them have been peaceful, tranquil, serene and/or restful. 

Obviously my subconscious is trying to tell me something.  

Got any ideas what it’s telling me? 


Written by nicolemarie

November 1, 2007 at 2:52 pm

Posted in pure craziness

Tagged with ,

4 Responses

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  1. First the disclaimer, I have no professional qualifications here. But I do think the reason you are now remembering your dreams is because your subconscious is asking for help from your conscious in resolving an problem that is being revisited in your dreams. The issues I see are you feeling a lack of control, specifically about decisions that your husband is making and the feeling that your mental health and self worth are at risk.

    But what do I know? I was an econometrics major! Good luck. Write the dreams down in the morning. When you wake up,say out loud what you remember before you open your eyes. Then record it in a notebook.



    November 1, 2007 at 5:54 pm

  2. I totally agree with Elizabeth. There is a huge element of control loss in your life, with A looking at his job choices and the government having their say where you’re going to be living in the near future. All that upheaval is hard on us independent women. No matter how supportive we are or even how blessed we may feel – the control is ultimately out of our hands and that tough to handle sometimes.

    Take some time to focus on the silver linings before bed. Remember that you guys will end up where you’re supposed to end up. If you want to, say a prayer and give up the control to Someone who can actually do something with it! 🙂


    November 1, 2007 at 9:15 pm

  3. I just got back from a week-long meeting attended by a leader at DS and I have an extensive professional background. I think it’s safe to say that the previous posts are pretty much on the mark and that a lot of people connected to State are having dreams quite similar to yours. I’ve heard early word that a surprising number of folks stepped up for Iraq after the announcement, but I don’t have numbers.


    November 2, 2007 at 5:25 pm

  4. This is a tough time waiting to hear about your posting situation. I’m sure that it’s having an impact on your subconscious. Try some meditating – especially before bed, to help work through the tough emotions.

    I hope this passes soon for you.



    November 3, 2007 at 2:00 pm

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