Avoiding Crisis

confession

with 8 comments

I’m not who you think I am. I am me and me is not that person I have created for everyone else. It’s hard work being something that you’re not. Trying to convince yourself that you are stronger than you really are, that you are more confident than you really are. Sometimes I can’t keep up the act, and sometimes, just sometimes, the real me gets out, the fearful, overly sensitive, childlike me.

Today was one of those days. Today I hated myself.

I want to be this strong women who doesn’t care what others think of her. I want to be able to take things with a grain of salt and let things roll of my shoulder. I want to laugh more. I want to be laughed at and not care. I want to not care about being liked, about being needed. I want to march to the beat of my own drum, without caring if anyone else is marching along with me.

I don’t want to care so much about what people say about me or to me. I don’t want to be so sensitive all the time. I don’t want to cry anymore over stupid things.

I want to walk into a room with my head held up high, with confidence in my step, with a bit of arrogance in my walk.

Right here, right now, I don’t want to be the me that I am. But I am who I am and I don’t know how to be any other way.

Is being so sensitive really such a bad thing?

I’ll tell you this, today, it is. Ask me tomorrow, I may have a different answer.

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Written by nicolemarie

May 24, 2007 at 8:46 pm

Posted in life, personal

8 Responses

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  1. being oversensitive is what makes you a writer, I think. I’ve been accused of this so often, and every time it hurts (how can it not hurt the oversensitive?) but I finally told my brother, who most recently accused me of it, that I would rather be oversensitive than completely neglectful. Take care, tomorrow will be a better day.

    Courtney

    May 24, 2007 at 9:39 pm

  2. I’ve been accused of being too sensitive plenty of times. All you can be is who you are! 🙂

    Dawn

    May 25, 2007 at 8:05 am

  3. I relate on so many levels. There’s no way to fix it when you’re in this place but somehow you always walk out of it. You make it through the doubts, anxieties, pressure. I’ve always come out of days like this a bit stronger.

    nutcase101

    May 25, 2007 at 7:15 pm

  4. thanks for the comments…nice to know I’m not the only sensitive one out there, though sometimes, it sure does feel that way.

    nicolemarie

    May 25, 2007 at 7:59 pm

  5. I think many people feel like you do. There are moments of confidence, and there are moments where you feel like you’re back in high school and not confident about anything at all. I’ve found that as I’ve gotten older I care less and less about others opinions, but I still have those insecure times still. Hang in there!

    steph

    May 26, 2007 at 4:06 pm

  6. When people say someone is overly sensitive what they are really saying is that they are uncomfortable with the other person’s emotional reaction. The question for useful exploration is why that might be.

    Barry

    May 27, 2007 at 12:08 am

  7. barry, i must honestly say that I’ve never thought of it that way. It was always about there being something wrong with the way I reacted and not how the other person (or people) felt. something definitely worth thinking about a bit more.

    nicolemarie

    May 27, 2007 at 7:06 pm

  8. hi steph, welcome. I’ve been reading your blog lately and it’s great fun…keep it up. thanks for your comment and encouragement.

    nicolemarie

    May 27, 2007 at 7:10 pm


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