Avoiding Crisis

an update on my birthday plans

with 7 comments

I recently came up with what I think is a pretty good idea on how to celebrate my 30th birthday.  I know, it’s not for another 4 months, 2 weeks and 3 days (but who’s counting?).  What can I say, I want it to be something special and not just another day. Anyhow, since it’s been like forever since I’ve spent a night away from my kids I figure it might be about time that I had some quality me time (and I thought I’d be nice and let my husband tag along).  

Last year my mother-in-law (which we will call Gramma K) traveled to Argentina for my birthday.  Well, she didn’t really come for my birthday, she came to visit her grandchildren and it just happened to be the week of my birthday.  This was kinda nice, actually, because it meant I didn’t have to make my own birthday cake.  So, after talking with Gramma K and seeing if she was thinking about coming down again in August — which she said she was — we decided to look into going away for a few days without the kids.  

We decided to go to Salta and stay at this wonderful country inn.  We’d stay away for 2 or 3 nights.  We’d wake up when ever we wanted.  Stay in bed and watch TV if we choose.  We’d rent a car and drive long distances without having to worry about two cranky kids in the back seat.  We’d pack lunches that don’t include juice boxes or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and go on long walks.  We’d take pictures of the scenery without having to listen to my daughter yell ‘mommy, take a picture of me! Over here, me, me, me.   Not the mountain, meeeeeeeeeeeee.’  We’d relax. 

So yesterday, I received the school calendar for the remainder of the year.  After realizing that the kids had off the Friday before the Monday that is Memorial Day as well as Memorial Day – which just means that they have a four day weekend – I called my twin brother who was planning on coming down that weekend to tell him that he’d be able to spend even more time with his niece and nephew then he had originally thought.  I could just imagine him jumping up and down for joy!  His voice mail picked up.  I left a message.  He called back.  Uh, well…he’s not coming in May/June.   Something important came up.  Which, by the way, he thinks is just great because that means he can come down in August for our birthday. 

Hold on! Wait a minute.  What?  OUR birthday.  No. no. no.  This isn’t supposed to be our birthday it’s supposed to be MY birthday.  

Here’s the deal.  I’m not going to lie.  There is part of me that wants to say to my brother, “hell no you are not coming down here and ruining my birthday plans and turning my birthday into something about you.” Ouch, that’s not very nice of me.   And, of course, I’m not really going to say this to him because, well, that would be just plain mean and inconsiderate.  (Mark, strike from your memory the last ‘graph, okay?)  

So, of course, being the way that I am — you know the type, sweet, kind and considerate — I told my brother, using the most excited voice I could muster up, ‘Wow! that would be just great! We could throw ourselves a party.’  I hung up and called my parents.  ‘Cause, that’s what I do in times of crisis.  Also, because I remembered that my daughter mentioned that Papa (that’s what she calls my father) had said that they were thinking about coming down to visit in August. 

I called my parents and told them to seriously think about whether or not they were going to come down to visit for my birthday.  Because if they were, and my brother was, and my mother-in-law was too, then well, I guess I’d have to get myself into party planning mode.  Wow, this is really beginning to remind me of all my other birthday parties.  Wasn’t this year supposed to be about me and not about me doing all the work for everyone else?  

As of yesterday, my plans to go away, while are by no means canceled, are definitely on hold. 

Okay, so now I feel like I have to clear up a few things.  I’m not saying that I don’t want my brother to come and visit me in August.  I’m also not jumping out of my seat at the idea of him coming to visit.  I’m just saying that I’m not sure what I want.  Yes, I want my brother and his partner to visit.  And if August is the only month that they can find time to visit, then well, so be it.  (I’m also 100% positive that if he doesn’t visit for our birthday, I’ll be sad and miss him as I always do when were apart.  I know, it’s SO complicated.)  But I kinda want this whole 30th birthday thing to be about ME!  Not about me taking people site seeing around Buenos Aires.  Not me going to restaurants that I don’t want to go to just because I have guests in town and need to show them a good time.  Not me cooking meals for 5 additional people and stressing over sleeping arrangements and travel plans.  Mind you, if it was any other time of the year I’d be more then happy to do all these things and more.

I know, it is wrong to feel this way and I’m an awful sister.  I’m selfish and completely self absorbed about this 30th birthday thing.  And to that I say ‘damn right I am’.   I spend every waking minute (aside from the time spent writing this blog) attending to everyone else’s needs.  Being a mother is one of the most selfless jobs in the world.  So if I want to be selfish for one day — or even one week — because it’s my birthday then gosh darnit I think I have every right to be.  Then why, tell me, do I feel so bad for even writing this and making my brother feel that he shouldn’t come and visit? 

Sometimes being a twin isn’t really all it’s cracked up to be.  Sometimes, it’s just plain unfair.


Written by nicolemarie

March 23, 2007 at 10:01 pm

7 Responses

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  1. whaa, whaa, whaa.
    Somebody (wait, no, lots of people) loves me and want to come visit me from multiple parts of the US. They want to sing me happy birthday and celebrate the 30th year of my life. I am so sad and upset about this. whaa, whaa, whaa.

    Suck it up.
    Love you.

    By the way can you fix a meal for 7. If so, maybe we’ll come down too.


    March 24, 2007 at 12:24 am

  2. of course I can fix a meal for 7. If you guys come that changes everything…then I’ll be over the moon with joy. wait, no, that’s my daughter that would be crazy happy…and then she’d forget that it was even her mother’s birthday in the first place and it would be all about YOU. sure, why not, come on down.


    March 24, 2007 at 8:06 am

  3. You and your twin brother must have had great fun growing up so close, side by side.
    Go for it – celebrate your birthdays!
    BTW – who is the elder? respect and all that for your elders, and concessions for the younger one!


    March 24, 2007 at 10:46 am

  4. He’s older by 13 minutes. I guess that does make him my elder and all…but, well, that’s just not fair!


    March 24, 2007 at 1:50 pm

  5. Is there any way you can do both? Appease them by letting them come, and celebrate your birthday by doing it at a time when they’re not there? Maybe they could come before or after your birthday, or maybe you could go away before or after your birthday…one could be the real day, and the other could be the “federally observed” birthday. That way you get to celebrate the way you want, and everyone else gets to come visit. Do you think that’s possible?


    March 26, 2007 at 12:16 am

  6. yes I can do both, which is what I will probably end up doing. looks like my older brother and his wife are actually considering coming as well…so then we’ll have the whole family here, which is SO rare. I really BIG party wouldn’t be that bad.


    March 26, 2007 at 12:51 pm

  7. I’m glad it looks like things are going to work out then. 🙂


    March 26, 2007 at 1:07 pm

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