Avoiding Crisis

forgiveness, try it sometime

with 2 comments

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. – Gandhi

Today, I’m feeling kinda strong. 

I’m not a big fan of the phrase “forgive and forget.”  I’m a holder-on to things.  All types of things, good and bad.  And I’m not one to forgive easily.  But, I know, staying angry or annoyed at someone or something is just not healthy.  The anger is like a toxin.  I’m ready to get rid of some of those toxins. 

And here’s what I’ve come up with.  Some of what you will read will seem trivial others much more serious. Regardless, they are all things that I have held on to over the years and therefore need to be addressed. 

I forgive the admissions director at Wake Forest University who put me on a waiting list for acceptance and I forgive my father for thinking it best to have me taken off said waiting list without consulting me first.

I forgive my father for promising to get me Knicks vs. Bulls tickets at Madison Square Garden and saying that he took care of it, only to find out 10 minutes before the game that the box office didn’t have any tickets waiting for me. 

I forgive my older brother for sitting on me and hanging spit over my face only for that spit to fall and go splat on my face.  (eww. gross. yuck. ugh.)

I forgive the boss I had when I worked for a telecommunications industry association for causing me so much stress that I suffered from chronic nosebleeds for 4 months and for causing irreparable damage to my self esteem.

I forgive the boss I had when I worked at a well known children’s advocay group for telling me I was worthless and wouldn’t ever amount to anything much in the world of public affairs. 

I forgive my boss from some big deal Washington DC think tank for thinking that all I was good for was cleaning his office and picking up his lunch. 

I forgive the same boss from the big deal Washington DC think tank for making me go in on a Saturday to learn how to use his brand new digital voice recorder and type up a one page instruction manual and then drop it off at his house so that he could take it to a meeting with him on Monday morning. (Like his ivy league educated ass couldn’t figure it out?)  I forgive him for then using the same digital recorder as a replacement for face to face meetings, since he was way too busy meeting with really important people, and didn’t think it necessary to actually talk to me.

I forgive my twin brother for threatening the week before my wedding to boycott the wedding unless he could use the wedding as a coming out party. I forgive him for using my wedding as a coming out party with certain members of our family.  And while I’m at it, I forgive him for using our 21st birthday party (okay, it was his party.  but it was my birthday too!) as a coming out party to all our friends. AND I forgive him for telling me he was gay by saying “this is my boyfriend Jonathan and we are going to have lunch with him. Any questions?”

I forgive the guy who had a crush on me during high school and would call my house 20 times a day only to hang up without ever saying a single word.  It was SO annoying. 

I forgive the boy that I had a crush on in high school for never once noticing that I was alive.

I forgive my twin brother for shredding my day planner, shattering my Ani Defranco CD and locking me out of his dorm room because he didn’t like the fact that got “involved” with one of his fraternity brothers.  (Come to think about it, he still owes me a new Ani Defranco CD!)

I forgive the old high school buddy that chooses to ignore my emails and instant messages because he owe’s me $50 for the Argentine World Cup Soccer jersey that I was nice enough to send him. 

I forgive all the mean and catty girls in high school that were mean and catty to me.

I forgive anyone who ever started an untrue and nasty rumor about me, whatever it may have been.

I forgive the childhood friend that one day decided that we would no longer be friends because I just wasn’t cool enough.

I forgive the boy we called Moose for nicknaming me nostrils and making me cry by teasing me about my big nose.

I forgive the guy who yelled and screamed at me and didn’t even bother to stop his car when dropping me off at my house after I asked him to take me home because I wasn’t going to have sex with him. 

I forgive myself for the years of self destructive behavior.  

Here’s who I don’t forgive (at least not yet).

I don’t forgive the fucking postal worker that has just recently stolen my brand new, never even taken out of the box, direct from factory laptop computer. 

I don’t forgive the assholes who thought it their duty in life to use commercial airplanes as weapons and kill thousands of people. 

Now, if only those people whom I’ve hurt in some way or another could find it in their hearts to forgive me for whatever it is I have done, ’cause I’m pretty sure it wasn’t THAT bad. 

Pass it on.  Forgive someone today.  Let them know.  You’ll be a better person for it, I promise.

 Who do you forgive?


Written by nicolemarie

March 14, 2007 at 11:04 pm

Posted in acceptance, life, personal

2 Responses

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  1. I stole the quote and posted it on my page. It’s a great quote. 🙂

    On the post though: it takes a lot to forgive. Sometimes it just takes time (obviously) and that doesn’t make you weak either. I have the hardest time forgiving myself of things I should have long ago. So at least you’re forgiving yourself!


    March 15, 2007 at 1:13 pm

  2. steal away!

    Billie, you’re right that it takes a lot to forgive. It took quite a while for me to forgive myself, but it’s part of the healing process. There are things still, that I don’t forgive myself for, that I just can’t, at least not yet. I don’t know if that makes me weak or not. I really don’t care, either. Being weak and needing time or needing help is nothing to be ashamed of, it’s just life.


    March 15, 2007 at 3:40 pm

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