Avoiding Crisis

the strong silent type

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My husband went to Blockbuster last night and returned with 3 movies – 2 for us and 1 for the kids.  Among them was Oliver Stone’s World Trade Center.  I’ve never had a desire to watch this film, or any other film about the events of 9-11.  I know my own limitations and reliving the events of that day is something I’m not ready to do.  Something I maybe never be ready to do.  Still, it seemed important to him that we watch it; that he watch it. 

He lost a friend that day.  We rarely talk about it.  We should.     

Fifteen minutes into the film, my husband turns to me and asks me to shut it off.  He didn’t have to ask twice.  The urgency in his voice to put an end to the emotional rollercoaster that he was on was apparent.  

I was reminded that my husband is not super human and that under the stoic exterior he shows the world there is a sensitive and vulnerable person.  I was reminded of why I fell in love with him in the first place.

I fumbled for any remote I could reach and just started pressing buttons trying to erase the images from our minds as quickly as possible.  The images remained.  These are not images that will go away just because I shut the television off.  These are not images from a movie set but are own memories burned into our consciousness that will not go away no matter how hard we try.      

We sat in silence for a bit.  I crawled over to where he was sitting and just wrapped my arms around him holding on as tight as I could.     

He watched the entire movie this afternoon while I was attending a birthday party with my daughter.  He needed to get through it.  He needed to grieve.  He needed to remember. 

If I could only be that strong.

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Written by nicolemarie

February 24, 2007 at 9:44 pm

Posted in 9-11, husbands, personal

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