Avoiding Crisis

the ultimate search

with 3 comments

There is no such thing as the perfect pair of jeans.  They just don’t exist.  I know, I’ve looked.  Like most women, I hate shopping for jeans.  When I say hate, I mean it with a capital H.  And it’s not like I don’t wear jeans that often.  With no need to get dressed in business attire, it’s about the only thing I wear, aside from my favorite North Face cargo pants.  If only they made jeans that fit like those pants.  A girl can dream, can’t she?  The short of it, I wear jeans A LOT.  I also happen to own a lot of jeans.  I don’t like them all, I don’t even wear them all, but it is a mighty fine collection.  At one point when I was in college, I owned 22 pairs of jeans.  That number has gone down a bit, but just a bit.   I’m constantly searching for the perfect pair.  It’s been a long hard journey but I press on.

Maybe I’m too picky.  Maybe my budget limits me.  I will not pay $200 for a pair of jeans no matter how well they fit.  $100 is my limit, okay maybe $150 – but I’d still tell my husband that they were $100.   A very smart girl once explained to me that the cost of the nearly $300 True Religion jeans she bought could be completely justified by calculating the cost per wear.  She figured that if she can get 300 wears out of the jeans then they really only cost her $1 per wear.  And that’s a good deal.  WHAT???  

I think my problem has more to do with the fact that designers don’t make jeans for normal people.  I’m not fat.  I’m not super skinny either.  I’ve had two kids.  I have hips.  These days, the only women who should be wearing jeans have skinny legs and no ass.  I say this because these are the only people who could possibly fit into any of the jeans that I have tried on lately.  

I do have one pair of almost perfect jeans.  They were the closest to perfect I’ve ever found.  However, after losing 10 pounds they’ve become my almost perfect jeans in a big, slouchy, comfy, I-couldn’t-possibly-wear-them-out-of-my-house sorta way.  But finding them in the first place was an amazing feat. Lucky Brand Boyfriend Jean.  I bought one pair.  I still had baby weight to lose, I didn’t want to have too many fat jeans lying around.  I figured I’d buy another pair after I’d lost some weight.  At least that was the idea.  No can do.  Unlucky for me, Lucky stopped making them.  I should have known as much, this is how it always is.  When I was in college, among my 22 pairs of jeans, was this awesome pair of Todd Oldhams.  Snug in all the right places without showing every imperfection.  You know what happened? Yup! Todd Oldham stopped making them.  It’s the story of my jean searching life.

One would think that when you stop making one item, another different, yet similar, item would appear in its place.  Obviously no one has told the fashion industry about this idea.  Last time I was in the United States I went into a Lucky store and asked about the whole Boyfriend Jean issue.   I demanded to know why they had stopped making them.  Like the sales guy had any clue, like HE cared. (Guys just don’t have this problem.  My husband walks into Old Navy and like 10 minutes later walks out with 3 new pairs of jeans that ALL look great.)   Since I was getting no where with my protesting the disappearance of the Boyfriend Jean, I asked to try on the next closest thing.  Yeah, the next closest thing, 2 times bigger than my typical size, wouldn’t even make it over my hips.  I said similar, SIMILAR…didn’t you hear me??!!! 

Don’t even get me started on jeans in Argentina.  Here, the idea of anything but ultra low- rise is a foreign concept.  Please, just once, I’d like to be able to buy a pair of jeans where I don’t have to worry about having my ass crack showing when I sit down.  Breast cleavage is one thing, butt cleavage another.  

For now, I’ll settle for my big, slouchy, comfy, I-couldn’t-possibly-wear-them-out-of-the-house Luckys and my waist-gaping but perfect-in-every-other-way Rapsodia jeans.  But don’t worry, I will continue on my quest hoping that one day I’ll find the perfect pair.  And when I do, I’ll be sure to buy several pairs.           


Written by nicolemarie

January 29, 2007 at 11:02 pm

3 Responses

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  1. I feel your pain and I think I’ve found a solution!! There is a totally great site which helps you pick just the right jeans. http://www.zafu.com. The only thing you have to do is enter some information about yourself and voila! Dozens of jeans recommended just to fit you appear.


    January 30, 2007 at 5:48 pm

  2. 30 years to admit you love breast cleavage. In another 30 will you admit to being a fan of the butt cleavage?


    January 31, 2007 at 5:51 pm

  3. A few years ago I went back to the Banana Republic to find a replacement for the white, cotton, long-sleeve, collared shirt I had bought there in the early 90’s. The original one (my lucky shirt – wore it to my first day of law school and the last day of the bar exam) was frayed and no longer suitable for public wear. After I dribbled a pathetic lament on the sales clerk regarding my inability to find a similar one anywhere, she responded that maybe I would find one after they come back in style. Grrrrr . . .


    February 1, 2008 at 10:10 pm

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