Avoiding Crisis

learning to let go

with one comment

Have you ever held on to something for so long that you 1) aren’t even sure why you still have it and/or 2) just can’t part with it.  I’m not a pack rat in the normal sense.  Unlike some people I know, I have no problem getting rid of “things.”  I don’t have any of my childhood toys nor do I have boxes of stuff in an attic that date back 20 years.  It doesn’t bother me one bit to be rid of tangible things from the past.  If only I could figure out a way to let go of experiences and memories.  

There is something you should know about me.  I have a crazy ability to remember the most minute details of a particular experience.  It always amazes my friends when they are on the receiving end of my memory recall.  I can meet someone once for 10 minutes and then never see them again but yet months later be able to recall our entire conversation practically word for word.  This always freaks people out.  It drives my husband insane; try arguing with me.  While having good memory recall can come in handy, it can also be, at least in my case, a very self-destructive trait.  With this wonderful ability to remember comes the inability to forget.    

I’ll be the first to admit it, I hold on to things and have a very hard time letting go.  For instance, there are certain close friendships that I had once upon a time that just up and disintegrated, like overnight.  And i’m not exaggerating.  I have held on to these relationships, or at least the memory of them, for so long.  What happened?  Will I ever get an answer?  Probably not.  And yet I obsess about this wondering what I did, how I could have made things different?  It’s consuming.  It’s exhausting.  Enough, I say!  Therefore, I’ve decided to work on this inability to let things go.

Lesson one:  Forgive, forget and move on…

There is something that happened over 10 years ago that still bothers me.  I think it’s about time I got over it.  So here goes.  I was a junior in high school and I was taking an health elective. One of the assignments was to write down the name and contact information of that person who you considered to be your best friend, the individual who knew you the best.  I could have chosen anyone from among my inner circle.  I chose to write down my oldest friend who I also considered to be my closest friend.  I wrote this name down not knowing what it would be used for.  I forgot about it.  Months later, it was announced that we all were to receive a letter from the individual whose name we had submitted earlier in the semester.  At least that was the idea.  This said letter was to be from the person who knew your the best and was to be about you.  Everyone got their letters. I got my letter.  Mine was from my mother.   My mother wasn’t my best friend.  But the friend that I had chosen had failed to write my letter so the teacher called my mom and asked her to write it instead.  You see, my best friend had just, well, forgotten to write the letter.  How could you forget?  How could a friendship mean so much to one person and nothing to another?  How could that friend’s life be so busy and consuming that writing a simple letter was not possible?  Mind you my mother wrote me a beautiful letter that I cherish to this day.  But, at the same time, I have never been able to forgive this friend for not writing the letter.  I believe that my inability to let go of this after all these years has hurt our friendship tremendously.  And for this I am truly sorry.  I think it’s about time that I just let this one go.   

And so the process begins.      


Written by nicolemarie

January 14, 2007 at 10:22 pm

One Response

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  1. Very touching, I hope you do not forget my comments 🙂


    January 16, 2007 at 10:33 am

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